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"RECALL OF PS2 IMMINENT"

Japan Dec 16, 2002. Tokyo, Japan.

Sony announced today the worldwide recall of 27 million functioning Playstation 2 consoles (and 15 million non-functioning ones). The reason for the recall was not defective DVD lasers as was previously believed, but rather the inadvertent omission of several key hardware and software componants.

"After shipping millions of units of the incredibly successful, wildly popular and unbeatable by the Americans, 'Playstation 2' consoles, it was discovered that several componants were not installed during the manufacturing process," Nehi Towagrashoppa of Sony said in a brief, written statement.

"The Playstation 2 was created to utilize a built-in network adapter and a hard drive. It was always our intention to include them as part of the console, and not as accessories. You can turn one of them around and see the holes there. Someone in assembly just forgot to put any of them in there."

"The built-in network would allow the wonderful, wonderful Playstation 2 users to go online with no additional purchase. Well, except for downloadable content, drivers, ISP account information and so on. The hard drive would allow for virtually unlimited game saves, song ripping and storage for the downloadable content, like new fireworks to add to the 'Fantavision' displays. It is a tragedy that these were overlooked."

When asked why it took this long for anyone at Sony to notice, Towagrashoppa-san replied sheepishly, "Well, they were selling so well, and truthfully, no one at Sony actually plays the things. We figured if there was a problem, someone would have said something."

"We were also going to include free games by adding a copy of 'Grand Theft Auto 3' free, inside every unbeatable Playstation 2 console purchase. However, we were totally taken by surprise when it received an "M" rating by the ESRP. We have a policy of not challenging their rating of games released for the unbeatable Sony Playstation 2. All promotions for the bundle had to be scrapped," he replied, wiping a tear from his cloudy eyes.

"Fortunately, other unique features of the much-in-demand Playstation 2, like the ability to stand vertically and not weighing as much as a small car, have kept the console in a virtually unbeatable position of worldwide sales."

Not discussed was the omission of certain "holes" in the console to allow players number 3 and 4 to join in games. It is believed that this was a genuine R&D plan from the beginning, as most homes in Japan can only hold two humans at one time due to their size. The Multitap was provided solely for American consumption.

The hard drive has a retail value of $149.99 US. The network adapter retails for $39.99 US. Both of these will be mailed to Playstation 2 owners free of charge, provided they give Sony their name, address, credit card information, and include $189.98 for shipping and handling. Contact Sony at http://www.sony.com.